Entering this new phase of my life has caused me to re-examine the phrase "cutting the apron strings." Those who still have children at home ask if I am alright or if I am "okay with it" I suppose in trying to understand how they are going to feel when their children leave the nest. I imagine that there is a bit of fear of the future as well as the stereotypical "moms who have fallen apart" that they are hoping does not happen to them. Those who have children who are out on their own, however, respond in two different ways. The first, and quite frankly the majority, is to commiserate how horrible it is that our children have left home, how lonely it is, how difficult it is and tell me of all the things I should do in order to "keep a strong" relationship with my child. The second, and much smaller, group asks what my plans are now that I have time for myself: what hobbies am I beginning, what work projects do I have planned, or "what are you going to do with his room?" Clearly one group has adjusted well to the transition and the other simply cannot let go.
Aprons are not as popular as they once were. We've all seen the TV shows from the 50's and 60's -- Leave It To Beaver, Father Knows Best, etc. -- with the mothers looking their finest at all hours of the day, wearing their trusty aprons. In Little House on the Prairie, Ma used her apron to carry things, wipe dirty faces, protect her clothing, or provide a hiding place for a shy daughter. In our symbolic "apron" of parenting, we do many of the same things that the trusty apron did for those TV moms. We help our children with school projects, clean and clothe them, protect and hide them from the harshness of the world. However, we forget that when the work was done, those hard working mothers took off their aprons. She untied the apron strings and either hung up or laid down that apron. It was ready for the next time she was summoned to work.
That phrase "cutting the apron strings" would not have served the TV mom well. If the TV mom had cut the apron strings it would not have been ready for work the next time she needed it. She would have to take time to repair the damage. If she was a skillful seamstress she could repair the cut, but the ties would never be as strong as they could have been if she had simply untied the strings. If the ties were tied too tight when the apron was needed again, the potential for damage or failure would be great.
I have watched over the years parents who seem to have tied the apron strings a bit too tight. These were the parents who stayed up at night finishing the child's school project so the child could sleep, who bribed their children with cold hard cash to not go to camp, who did not teach their children to do household chores, or who asked for the rules to be bent or changed altogether in order to suit their child (or more specifically, the parent!). There are usually one of two endings to this sad story. The first is that the parent controlled and manipulated the child's life so much that the young adult is crippled and unable to stand on his own two feet with confidence. Then there are parents who later ask, "I don't understand. We raised them 'right'. We taught them 'right'. We had them in church. Why don't they 'love' me?" The second ending is that the parents held on too tight and the child has cut the apron strings, severing the relationship that the parent wrongly thought they controlled.
Proverbs 22:6 has been before me since I was 4 years old. It was the theme verse for our Christian school and emblazoned on school walls, plaques, yearbooks and book covers. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I know that my husband and I have taught Nathan well in these last 18 years. He is a legal adult now, held responsible by the government, employers and soon his college. For all intents and purposes, my parenting days are done. My apron is being untied by me. The apron is being laid aside until it is is called into action by Nathan's request, not by mine. The days of freely dispensing advise is over. Now, I must restrain myself to wait until called upon. I know that my apron strings are sure, strong, intact and ready to go at a moments notice. How's your apron holding up?
Until next time....
P.S. I am going to be blogging a bit on the "empty nest" for awhile. I realized yesterday when I dropped Nathan off for 2 weeks of camp that there are many misconceptions, wrong thinking, etc. regarding the empty nest after I was asked (once again) was I "okay" with him being gone so long. I promise to be honest about the emotions. And, yes, I have cried myself to sleep a few times in the last year as we approached graduation. From what I have been able to research that is "normal" behavior so I'm not too worried about it. But, I would never want my emotions to cloud Nathan's ability to make the decisions for his life that I know he needs to make for himself. So, if you still have kids at home or you are having difficulty letting go of your kids or have parents who won't quite let you go, stay tuned. We'll see what God's Word says about parenting as well as try to provide some tips for preparing for the inevitable.
