If you have spent any time in the world work force you know that every place of business has a dress code. (If you aren't sure about your place of business, go ask your HR department. You may have missed it in your orientation materials.) Some of the dress codes are for safety reasons, some are for uniformity in the work place, and some are to keep distractions down in the office. Some employers do not enforce the dress code unless it becomes a problem or a safety issue. Others enforce it to the letter of the law. One place I know of had an office manager that enforced their 3"-above-the-knee skirt length rule with a ruler. If a woman failed, she was sent home to change and she lost the time it took to do so. Why? The office was a sheriff's department where many men worked. The too-short skirts were a great distraction in the office. Even Walt Disney World has an employee dress code that would make some churches ashamed of their own dress standards.
Yet, when it comes to church, we feel that it is honky-dorrie to "let it all hang out" in the place where we worship our Savior. I know that the world has taught us that as women we can do whatever we want; that we do not need to be accountable to anyone. But, as Christians, aren't we accountable to God? Shouldn't we be accountable to the men and boys around us so as not to be a stumbling block to them? The way we dress tells a great deal about our heart condition. What does your wardrobe reveal about you? Are you submissive? Or are you rebellious? Do you exhibit humility? Do you esteem others better than yourself? Are you looking out for the welfare of those around you?
In my research for this topic in another project I am working on I learned that the Mormon and Catholic churches have very strong dress standards... sometimes even stronger than some of the Baptist churches I have visited. So, in order to help those who are just starting out on the adventure of dressing modestly, I've come up with a very BASIC DRESS STANDARD that I think will help give you a basis with which to develop your own personal dress standard and that of your daughters, regardless of age.
- Primarily, the shoulders to the knees needs to be covered. This has been determined by Bible scholars of every denomination as the area to be covered in which to remain modest. This would mean no strapless or spaghetti straps (including sundresses). Does this mean they can't be worn? No, as long as a top is worn underneath; you just need to be creative. Some also suggest that if sleeveless garments are worn, the width of the sleeveless garment should be a minimum of 3". The theory is that that width is best to cover undergarments. (For more information on why this is important, please read the Modesty Survey.)
- The neckline should be no lower than 4 fingers below the collar bone in front, nor 5 fingers below the neck in the back. In essence, be sure to cover the breast area, including cleavage. Nothing is more distracting to a man than for a woman to not be aware of her cleavage; believe me, he is VERY aware whether he wants to be or not.
- The best way to tell if any garment is "long enough" -- if the garment can touch the floor when you are kneeling, it is long enough.
- Lastly, is the issue of what is "too tight". If you can pinch material (1/2"-1" is the usual suggestion) between your fingers with your hands at rest by your side, the garment is considered loose.
Modesty is not always about dress.... it is also about deportment. I cannot tell you the number of beautiful brides I have seen in the last several years draw attention to themselves in very unflattering ways as they tugged and pulled at their strapless gowns -- during the ceremony!! Nor can I tell you of the number of teen girls who clearly were uncomfortable in their strapless or spaghetti strapped prom gown while at a restaurant. Too many times I have seen these young ladies pull and tug drawing attention to their breasts. As the young ladies began realizing the young men ogling them they tried to cover up with whatever wrap they had present. Suddenly, the "sexy" dress wasn't what they thought it would be.
Those of us who grew up with strict dress standards know the horrors of air balloon culottes as being our "fashion statement". Even though they were modest in looks, they were not always modest in practicality. How many times do you remember girls flashing their unmentionables while sitting on the bleachers or playing all the crazy games we played in youth group? For all intents and purposes, culottes weren't exactly the best option either. As women become more involved in extreme sports and activities we must consider every aspect of the activity as a dress standard is established -- perhaps on an activity by activity basis. What may be appropriate for one occasion, may not be appropriate for another.
We must determine to discern what truly is modest -- in accordance with God's Word and His principles. Modesty is not about drawing attention to oneself... in fact it is quite the opposite. Those who are critical of others who do "let it all hang out" may at times be unwittingly drawing attention to their own selves and their standards rather than to our Savior, a practice that moves counter to what they want to accomplish. Too many times those with clear dress standards are quick to judge and those without clear standards are quick to complain instead of realizing that the Lord may not have dealt with someone on the issue of modesty as yet. The Christian walk is a process of growth; none of us are where we ought to be in God's eyes.
We also must discern what is modest and appropriate for each of us. What may be perfectly modest on one body type (your best friend) may be entirely immodest on another (you). I would love to wear a surplice style blouse, but because of the cut of the blouse I choose not to as it would be immodest on me. Yet, on another woman, the style is very becoming and not immodest at all. I have also learned that questionable styles can be "fixed" simply by layering a top underneath. I still get to have the current style, but I have corrected the immodest aspect of it. Determine your own modest style and stick with it.
I hope that this has sparked an interest for you in learning more about modesty. I'm not here to dictate what anyone wears. However, what we wear does affect those around us -- especially men and teenage boys. What we wear says a great deal about us. What exactly are your clothes saying about you and your daughters?
Below are a few websites to help you develop your own sense of modesty.
Modesty Survey -- strongly encourage every man and woman to read this in depth survey; be sure to read the comments written by the men and boys who took the survey
Pure Fashion -- model training program for teenage girls; focuses on modesty
Modesty Article -- please practice the gleaning principle when reading this article
Revive Our Hearts -- Modesty -- multiple resources on the topic of modesty and purity
If you are searching for modest clothing, well, you have no farther to look than your nearest search engine. There are numerous resources on the internet that can help with all sorts of clothing needs. Regardless of what your preferences are regarding modesty you are sure to find something that meets your standards.
Modest Clothing Directory -- this site lists every known modest clothing retailer on the internet; from ultra conservative to orthodox to every day clothes in brick and mortar stores
Modest Clothing Site -- another directory; not quite as many as above; includes a swimwear section (scroll to bottom of their page for the link)
Dressing for His Glory -- skirts, culottes, skorts (the best skorts!); women and girls
Slim Perfect Swimwear -- you have to see it; it was even recommended in O magazine (yep, Oprah!)
Funky Frum -- stylish and trendy modest clothing
Great Lengths -- tops, shorts/capris, formal gowns; men, women, children
Knee Shorts -- layering tops/T-shirts, shorts/capris/skirts; men, women, children
Beautifully Modest -- BRIDAL -- for every female in the bridal party plus "prom" dresses
