Not too long ago I read an article in which the author
described the difference between serving, helping, or fixing. The context was
not spiritual in nature, but the application that I took away from it
definitely was.
In our several decades of ministry, we have heard
repeatedly, “What can I be in charge of for _(event)_?” Just fill in the blank
for whatever event that there can be in a church. While I’m sure the
individuals were sincere in their question, we have since learned that the
interpretation of that question by the individual often meant something entirely
different from what we had in mind.
You see, the phrase “in charge of” implies that you will be
the one to whom others answer. You will dictate the agenda, the details, the
organizing. If you are the one organizing the entire event then that phrase is
appropriate to use. The person “in charge” is the one who will be held
accountable. This person will be the one who will have to answer if things do
not go well. This person will be the one who will receive the accolades when
things do go well.
But, not everyone can be “in charge” -- especially when
organizing a Vacation Bible School, Sunday school, Junior Church, a banquet, a
conference, etc. Even a bee hive knows there is one queen but many workers. In
the church, confusion should not reign. 1
Corinthians 14:33, For God is not
the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.
So, we have tried to throw out the phrase “in charge of”
when asking someone to assist in the ministry. One church we know uses the
phrase “responsible opportunity to serve.” I think that is the best way to
approach asking others to assist. Why? Let’s look at the differences between
the words fixing, helping, and serving.
When we think of the word “fixing,” we think of repairing
something that is broken. Instead of focusing on the whole, we only see a part.
Instead of accepting the person, result, or thing, we make a judgment. We can
only perceive that something is wrong which therefore needs our assistance to
make right. Fixing creates a distance in relationship; the one being “fixed” will not feel able
to attain our level. “If you would only do it this way…” Our attitude is not
one of holiness, but of holier than thou.
The most popular word that we hear is “help.” “How can I
help?” This implies that the person to whom the request is made is unable to
achieve the goal without me. When we have the attitude of helping, we imply
that there is inequality in the relationship. We use our own strength, talent,
or capability to assist someone with lesser strength, talent, or capability. We
act only in those areas where we are strong; we do not consider areas where we
might need to stretch and grow. We do not volunteer to help if we perceive
someone else with greater talents and abilities than us; we do not want to be
shown up. We also show that we are unwilling to learn something new. We "help" to
improve our ego; we "help" to improve others opinions about us.
Helping also suggests that “you owe me one.” The individual
that we help incurs a debt. We attach strings to our actions, our money, and
our time. “I don’t think we should spend the church’s money that way.” “I’ve
already been to church three times this week plus an extra choir practice.” We
see our help as entitlement to have a say. When we help, we have a sense of
satisfaction in what “we have done.” Our help becomes self-centered rather than
Christ-centered.
The word “serving,” however, is much different. It is
unnatural. A servant heart attitude is knowing we are being used for something
that is greater than we are. A servant does not expect anything in return.
Servants forget about their strengths and weaknesses; servants give their all,
their whole self. A servant comes alongside another willing to do what is
necessary to get the job done. A servant does not feel the need to be “in
charge;” they are content to be the hands, the feet, and the body to accomplish
the goal.
We can fix and help without serving. We can serve without
fixing or helping. The three can appear very similar to those around us. The
difference is internal; it is about the heart. We can delude ourselves into
thinking that we are serving. Fixing and helping is about us, the ego. Serving
is about the soul, our relationship with Christ, and others.
How do we know when we have gone from serving to fixing or
helping? Fixing and helping is draining. We consume ourselves; after a time, we have nothing more to give. We burn out; we may even think about
quitting. We see
life as broken and individuals as weak. Serving, on the other hand, sustains us. We see life as whole. We use
our experiences, suffering, grief, joys, and accomplishments to serve the needs
of others. We are able to serve willingly because we have something to share.
In giving of ourselves with no thought of receiving anything in return, we are
filled with a renewed and unexplainable strength from the Lord. It is supernatural.
As I thought about these three words, I was reminded I needed
to make sure that I am serving… not fixing and helping. Do I limit my service
because I don’t want to step out of my comfort zone? Do I limit my service
because someone else is more talented than I am? Is my tiredness in ministry
because I am serving from the point of view of self? Am I doing so much in
order to build self in the eyes of others? Do I willing volunteer when I see a
need or when the need is presented? Am I looking for a place to serve or a
place to help and fix? These are hard questions but necessary for anyone…
whether in full-time ministry, a layworker, or a church member. Which word
describes you today?
