Purposeful Parenting

This weekend marked a milestone in our family -- Nathan graduated from high school!  Not only is this a great accomplishment for him, but it marks the end of my portion of his education.  We have home schooled since 1st grade.  Thus, I am now without a job.  We are so proud of him!  In September he will be heading off to a Christian college to further his education and he is already talking about a Master's degree following the undergrad degree.  We couldn't be happier!!

However, the reactions and responses I have been receiving from other people during this time of transition have me wondering if there is something wrong with me.  Should I be lining up prescriptions of anti-depressants and reserving a spot in the funny farm for September?  You would think so according to these statements:  "You will miss him when he goes off to college."  "How are you going to handle an empty nest?"  This was in response to my statement, "No, we aren't sad.  This is what we have been training him to do -- to be independent."  To which was replied, "No, you will be sad.  It will be hard.  It will be the hardest thing you ever do."  (The words in print do not do justice to the expression or the tone in which they were given.)  What's the deal?

I suppose I come from a completely different perspective.  I began letting go of Nathan hours after he was born.  Dan had gone home to shower and rest.  I had just been moved from the birthing room to the recovery hall.  The nurse brought Nathan to me for the first time since he had been born.  It was just me and Nate.  Now my experience with newborns was limited; I had spent several summers working day care including the nursery, but not with newborns.  So, I was a little surprised when that wiggling bundle lifted his head off my shoulder, turned his head, and "looked" at me as if to say, "Who are you?!? Where am I??", then dropped his cone-shaped head back on my shoulder.  Newborns aren't supposed to lift their heads, are they?  Even though I had promised God on my wedding night He could have any children He may give us for His service, I prayed a different prayer at this time.  I immediately realized that Nathan was already exerting his independence at only hours into his life.  While I would be spending the next months and years, doing things for him and of "being in control", I really wasn't "in control", God was.  Nathan was and is His creation.  God is the One Who orders his steps regardless of what I want.  We have practiced purposeful parenting in helping Nathan to realize that the right and Biblical thing for him to do IS to leave home so he can serve God... wherever that may take him.

When I was told that sending Nathan off to college was going to be "hard", I have to admit I really bristled.  Hard is burying your babies six feet in the ground.  Hard is never hearing that first cry, the first words.  Hard is not seeing the first steps, the first bike ride or the excitement from passing the driving test the first time out.  Hard is the birthday and Christmas presents that are never bought, the Easter baskets never put together or the family portraits with missing faces.  I know hard.  Those things I have had to relinquish in the too short lives of Andrew (1993), Caleb (1997), Gabriel (1998) and Naomi (1999).

No, sending Nathan off to college in September is not going to be hard for me.  Will I shed some tears?  You bet!!  I'm a natural born crier!  I cry at Hallmark card commercials, coffee commercials, happy movies, sad movies, songs; you name it, I cry.  It has gotten to the point that my family just goes ahead and hands me the tissue box; I'll probably need it at some point.  But the tears I shed will not be because I am sad or because I have regrets.  No, they will be happy tears.  You see, God has given me a tremendous blessing in this child.  Doctors have told me since the loss of my other children that I should have never carried Nathan to term -- he is a miracle!  I can't be sad; I have to celebrate the life of this son of mine.  I have to send him off into the world able to stand on his own two feet capable of making good and right decisions that not only will honor and respect us as his parents, but more importantly, that will honor and respect the God that has given him both physical and spiritual life.

Nathan, (if you decided to read this) my prayer for you is this:

Hear, O my son, and receive my sayings; and the years of thy life shall be many.  I have taught thee in the way of wisdom; I have led thee in right paths.  When though goest, thy steps shall not be straitened; and when thou runnest, thou shalt not stumble.  Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life.  Proverbs 4:10-13

May each parent rear up their children with this prayer in mind.  Let go of your children when the time comes so that they can live lives that reflect the Savior.  Don't choke them with the apron strings.  Don't make demands upon them (visits, tokens, calls, living in the same town, etc.) that are simply to pacify your wants and desires.  Don't double-speak by training them to follow the will of God but be angry about it when the will of God takes them away to college, another town, state or country.  Be blessed in the knowledge that God has allowed you to have a part in their lives.  Now it is time for them to spread their wings and fly!!!

Time....

Where has the time gone???  Has it really been over a month since I last posted?  A quick glance at the calendar lets me know why.  Guess I should heed my own advice!!

Well, have YOU had time to write down a week's worth of activities to see where your time goes each day?  If not, I do encourage you to do so.  If you have then take a quick look at it.  Where do you tend to spend the most time?  Who is involved in that time frame?  It's interesting that a list of weekly activities will quickly reveal where your priorities lie.

Priorities.  That is a hard word.  A priority is a precedence, especially established by order of importance or urgency.  Christians are given a Biblical set of priorities through God's Word.  You probably have heard before what they are:  JOY -- Jesus, Others, You.  Or you may have heard them explained as God, family, work, others, you.  None of these, however, really establishes the right priorities set in God's Word.

God established the first priority early on -- a relationship between God and man/woman; these were individual relationships with God.  There was also the establishment of a relationship of a husband and wife (with one another) as well as of them as a couple having a relationship with God.  These are the first two priorities given.  Did you succeed in making these two relationships have the most time for the week?  I'm not saying that you need to sit down and read the Bible for hours on end or have long conversations with your husband, but in your daily activities are these two relationships a priority.  Is what you are doing throughout the day focused on building your relationship with Christ and with your husband (if you have one).

I want to challenge you until we "meet" again to look throughout the day to be conscious of the decisions you make, what you do, and where you go.  Focus on the first two priorities in your life.  If you are asked to commit to an activity or responsibility ask yourself how it will affect these two relationships.  Ask your husband his opinion on things instead of accepting then telling him about it later.  Yes, this is counter culture to what we have been taught and to what many of us are living.  However, I believe you will begin to see a big change in your life and in your relationships if you will practice this for a few weeks.

Until then....