At some point in our lives, someone has done something in
which we felt we were hurt or betrayed. We felt that our “rights” were trampled
upon. We may have actually been wronged, suffering loss in someway whether by a
damaged reputation, loss of finances or by damaging relationships with those
closest to us.
We were offended.
We were offended.
Conversely, at some point in our lives, we have been the one
that caused hurt feelings or betrayed someone. We disrespected another making
them to feel as if their “rights” were trampled upon. We did damage another’s
reputation, caused an individual to suffer financial loss, or created a rift
not only in the relationship between the two but also between that individual
and others.
We were the offender.
We were the offender.
Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore if thou bring thy gift
to the altar, and there rememberest
that thy brother hath ought against thee;
24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy
way;
first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
In Matthew 5:23-24, we see that it is the responsibility of
the offender to go make it right with the one offended. Notice, it says that if
“thy brother hath ought against thee.” This would include offenses that may
only be a perceived offense, a miscommunication, or misunderstanding. If we did
sin against another individual or if we simply know that someone is upset with us, it is OUR responsibility to go
to the person to make it right.
Those of us who were offended agree wholeheartedly with
these verses. The offender should take responsibility because they are the one
who sinned. After all, I didn’t do
anything wrong. I was wronged. They hurt my feelings. However,…
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy
brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault
between thee and
him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
As the one who was offended, we
bear an equal responsibility in restoring the relationship. If someone offends
us in some manner, it is OUR responsibility to go to that individual to restore
the relationship.
So, what you are saying is that no matter if I was offended or if I
were the offender, if there is a rift in a relationship I am responsible for
trying to restore it?
Yes.
But, what if they
don’t want to listen? What if they don’t want to make it right?
Matthew 18:16-17 But if he will not hear thee,
then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three
witnesses every word may be established. 17 And
if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to
hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Matthew 18:16-17 are the verses that most people will jump
to for an offense, regardless of the severity of the offense. However, we need
to examine if the offense truly rises to that level, the level of church
discipline. Often, it does not. We make mountains out of molehills. We blow up
a minor disagreement into world war.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth
not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not
behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her
own, is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity,
but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all
things, hopeth all things, endureth all
things. 8 Charity never faileth:
We must rely on charity (love) in these situations. Some
offenses are so minor that we should simply let them go. Be the bigger person.
1 John 4:11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
Nineteen times in the New Testament we are told to love one
another usually, in context, reminding us that we are to love one another as
Christ loved us. How can we possibly hold an offense over someone when God has
forgiven us of so much more?
Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a
strong city:
and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.
But, I’ve gone to
them. They don’t want to make it right. They don’t want to restore the
relationship.
Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as
much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
If we have done all we can to
restore a relationship, whether it is to let pass the least offense or gone to
the person in order to reconcile the relationship, then our final
responsibility is to live as peaceably as possible with the individual. In some
cases, it may mean simply staying away from the individual as much as possible.
But if you must interact with the person, follow the principle found in the
final verses of Romans 12.
Romans 12:19-21 Dearly
beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is
written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. 20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him;
if he thirst,
give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with
good.
We are imperfect beings. We are going to be hurt and we are
going to offend others. It is our responsibility, regardless of which side of
the situation we find ourselves, to shore up relationships. Why? Because we are
brothers and sisters in the Lord. We must be an example to a lost and dying
world of the love of Christ. We cannot accomplish that if we are bickering and
fighting amongst ourselves, or are holding grudges and being unforgiving.
Ephesians 4:1-3 I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord,
beseech you
that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,
2 With
all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering,
forbearing one another in love;
3 Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Psalm 133:1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for
brethren to dwell together in unity!
