Parents: Where are You?

Over the last several weeks I have had the unpleasant experience of reading multiple stories of children and teens being bullied, committing suicide, being arrested for very adult-like crimes and more.  I just finished reading multiple articles of sad and heinous events in young people’s lives in the headlines just for today.

In the first, two 14 year old girls, eighth graders, best friends, committed suicide together in an apparent sleepover suicide pact because they were being bullied at school. They were made fun of for their weight, their looks, etc. One of the girls was even expelled from school for fighting. Why? She had been defending her friend. She did not like others to be put down, she rooted for the underdog. And, yet, she herself was also bullied.

Next, we have 11 and 12 year old girls posing as another 12 year old girl on Facebook, posting sexually explicit photos, IM’ing boys to come to her house for lewd sexual acts among other things and actually giving the girl’s real address and phone number. The two offenders are being charged with cyberstalking. Prosecutors do not think it will stick, but suggest the family of the victim pursue other charges such as “computer trespass” since the threshold of proof is lower.

In another story, six people, ranging in age from 15 to 37, were arrested for the murder of a 15 year old boy. Five of those arrested, ages 15 to 20 years old, were charged with first degree murder. The 37 year old was charged with accessory to first degree murder after the fact. The victim was shot multiple times, and then his body was burned and shoveled into a 5 gallon paint can. Why kill him? One of the 18 year olds just “hated” him. He was also the new “boyfriend” of the victim’s ex-girlfriend; they are both believed to be behind the murder.

If you take out the ages, you have the potential plot lines of many current television shows. To date myself, these easily could be modern plot lines of Dallas or Dynasty. I suppose a modern adult version would be Desperate Housewives. I haven’t kept up with the current hour long dramas, barring the occasional 5 or so minute “train wreck” viewing. Have YOU watched the new 90210, Degrassi, Pretty Little Liars, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, or GLEE? The few minutes of each show that I have watched have me asking, “Are parents really paying attention to what is IN this show?” These aren’t the After School Specials we grew up watching. These are long, drawn out dramas which rationalize immoral, depraved, unscrupulous, cruel, appalling, ruthless behaviors and actions. “What is right for me is right for me. What is right for you is right for you.” There are no moral absolutes, only grey area.

We haven’t even touched on reality television or talk shows. Popular shows such as Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of … wherever are stellar examples to our young people. (Sarcasm intended.) Selfish, self-absorbed, self-serving individuals on these shows display the exact behavior we are seeing from our children and teens today, from those in the above news stories. Then there is Maury Povich’s “who’s my baby daddy?” or Jerry Springer’s “I slept with your boyfriend, husband, cousin, etc. before the wedding, birth, honeymoon” trailer-hoppin’, knock down drag out, etc. You get my point. Moving on.

I’m not really sure who my “audience” is for this blog. I do know, however, that it doesn’t really matter. Christian or not, I see these behaviors in the children’s ministries and youth groups I have worked with over the last several decades. I see these behaviors in the adults in the churches I have worked with as well. And we wonder what is happening in churches. In youth groups. In schools. In homes.

WAKE UP!!! Regardless of your Christian or non-Christian affiliation.

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

We are losing a generation. Quickly. Notice the first part of the above verse. Let’s break down the meanings.

Fathers – the Greek word is “pater” which basically means the founder of the family or the one who stands in the father’s place and looks after another in a paternal way.

Provoke – the Greek word is “parogizo” which means to rouse to wrath, to provoke, exasperate, anger

Not – the Greek word is “me” which means no, not lest

Your – the Greek word is “humon” obviously it means belonging to you, or of yours

Children – the Greek word is “teknon” and is a neutral noun, which means it could be male or female offspring (it could also be someone we are discipling as well – but that is for another day)

Wrath – the Greek word is “parogizo” just as in the word provoke; means to rouse to wrath, to provoke, exasperate (enrage), or anger

The problem is that we are so worried about making our kids “angry” at us now that we have forgotten that in the long run they are going to be full of anger because of what we fail to do now. Allowing our girls to dress up like “hoochies” and our boys like thugs is not endearing our children to us. In fact, they look at you as weak. Allowing our children to speak to or about others in a derogatory manner or treat others unkindly does not help our children in the long run. One day they are going to say or do something to the wrong person (an employer, another authority figure, someone bigger) and will have to face the consequences of that situation. We are so worried about harming their little psyches by saying the word “NO” that they are shocked when the law tells them no. Or the school tells them no. Or any other authority figure tells them no.

Get some perspective. We exasperate our children to anger when we do not give clear cut instruction on what is right or wrong. We anger our children when we are not consistent. Confusion reigns when we tell our kids that they don’t have to follow the rules at school or church, “We don’t agree with THAT so we just won’t do it. You don’t have to do what the teacher or the youth pastor says or asks you to do.” Yet, we are angry when our kids pick and choose which of the family rules they will follow. We cause tension in the home when we do not demonstrate the actions and behavior we wish our children to have. In other words we say with our actions, “Do as I say, not as I do.” We enrage our children when we tear down with our words those around us (family members, friends, neighbors) or those over us (employer, politicians, pastor, law enforcement). We are surprised when our kids speak ill of authority or cop an attitude with us. We are shocked when we are told that our child has a mean spirit toward or is unkind to certain other children in their school, church or neighborhood. We shouldn’t be; they learned it from somewhere.

Parents, it is YOUR responsibility to “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Not the church’s. Not the school’s. Not grandma or grandpa. All those can be an asset in child-rearing, but they are not going to be held accountable for YOUR CHILD. YOU will be. Let’s break down the end of the verse.

Bring up– the Greek word is “ektrepho” which means to nourish up to maturity, to nourish

Them – this is a pronoun which refers back to the children in the first part of the verse

Nurture – the Greek word is “paideia” which means the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment); it also includes the training and care of the body by correcting mistakes and curbing passions; instruction which aims at increasing virtue

Admonition – the Greek word is “nouthesia” which means exhortation (You may recognize the Greek word as the base for Jay Adams’ coined phrase “nouthetic counseling” which is Biblical counseling that employs confrontation, admonishment, warnings, teaching, and training.)

Lord – the Greek word is “kurios” which is the title given to God, the Messiah

Parents, we are to nourish to maturity (adulthood) our children through training and teaching in the area of the mind and morals using confrontation, admonishment and warnings in order to achieve that goal. For the Christian, this would include teaching and training using God’s Word. Not only at church, but in every aspect of our lives.

Deuteronomy 6: 7-9 ⁷And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. ⁸And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. ⁹And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

There is a saying that what one generation allows in moderation, the next will take to excess. I think we are there. We have to get back in the Bible. We have to start living the Bible. We have to apologize to our kids. Yeah. That’s the tough one. Then we have to start teaching them the difference from right and wrong. No gray area. Absolute truth.

If we don’t, I shudder to think what the next generation will be like.

*Greek words and definitions were garnered from www.biblestudytools.com/concordances/strongs-exhaustive-concordance/