Protect Yourself from Being an Unknowing Gossip

Most of us know what gossip is… when it is about us. However, we sometimes have difficulty identifying it when we are in a conversation. A very informal definition of gossip might be a casual conversation about others which may involve details that are not confirmed as true. Often people gossip simply because they don’t know what else to say; they need to fill an awkward silence. Gossip is a problem in the workplace, in the church, and, yes, even in families.

Gossip is a divider of people, of co-workers, of friends, of family. Proverbs 16:28, A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends. Proverbs 17:9, He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.

Gossip hurts. Gossip causes a physical and emotional response in the victim. Gossip can affect people’s reputations, their jobs and livelihoods, and their relationships. Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22, The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

A gossip is notorious for denying talking about people or spreading rumors. It is very difficult to determine the originator of a rumor or false statement. Why? Because they make sure to be as sweet, loving, and concerned as can be to deflect attention away from them. Proverbs 20:19, He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.

As they say, “It takes two to tango.” Well, it takes two to gossip as well – the teller and the hearer. How do you protect yourself from being an unknowing gossip?

1. Guard your own conversation. It is in idle chit-chat where most gossip occurs. Those lulls in conversation do not need to be filled with “details.” If the conversation is over, either change the subject or move on. A good rule of thumb to follow: if the comments are not positive and uplifting, or the person being spoken about is not present, it shouldn’t be said. Matthew 12:36, But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
2. Do not speculate. “Why wasn’t Gail at the ladies meeting?” “Well, you know her sister is in town and she is in some kind of trouble…. She probably had to help her.” Silly, isn’t it? But, it happens all the time. A simple, “I don’t know,” in response would suffice. Proverbs 17:4, A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue.
3. Stop the conversation by saying, “I don’t need to know.” In other words, you are telling the gossiper that you want no part of the conversation. A few times of hearing this phrase will assure you of being kept out of “the loop.” Proverbs 26:20, Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
4. Stop the conversation with praise and good words. If you are in a group where the phrase “I don’t need to know” may not be able to be used, you can deflect the gossip by speaking words of praise and good words about the person. “Why, I just can’t believe that about Sam. Yesterday, he was so nice to help me with the bags I was bringing into the building.”
5. Go to the person being talked about or whom the rumor may adversely affect. We have seen several situations that if the hearers of the rumors had gone to the victim immediately several church blow ups would have been avoided. After the damage had been done, several went to the victims, apologized, and said they thought the victim had known. Many times if this was done immediately much hurt, anger, bitterness, and false statements would be avoided. As Barney Fife says, “Nip it! Nip it in the bud!” Matthew 18:15-17, 15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. If someone comes to you with a story about another, offer to go with him or her to the victim to find out the truth. More likely than not, the gossiper will not want to do so. Follow up on gossip and rumors. If someone comes to you with gossip, go to the person anyway. Often the victim is the last to know about what is being said. This simple act will do wonders for the victim. 
6. Accept that you do not need to know (or tell) all the details. Too often a “prayer request” turns into gossip. Those in ministry (full-time, part-time, and lay workers) often find themselves in situations where they are privy to many details. It is not your job to disseminate those details to others. If the person you are speaking to 1) is not part of the situation directly, or 2) is not able to help resolve the situation (authority figure), then do not repeat it to them. As for a “prayer request”, it is best to keep prayer requests as general as possible; God knows the details. Proverbs 11:13, A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
7. Remember, a talebearer is judged by God. Leviticus 19:16, Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour; I am the Lord.

Today, society winks at gossip; we consider it part of our social discourse. In fact, some believe that gossip helps to keep society “in check.” But God doesn’t “wink” at gossip. Three of the seven things listed as abominations in Proverbs 6 deal with the tongue. God doesn’t “dislike” gossip… He HATES it. Oh that we would have His heart on this matter.

Proverbs 6:16-19, 16 These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: 17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, 19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

Provoking Children?

John MacArthur, "Successful Christian Parenting", 1998 ~ "Parents, take inventory in your own hearts. Do you thirst for God as the deer pants after the water? Or is your own life sending your children a message of hypocrisy and spiritual indifference? Is our own commitment to Christ what you hope to see in your children’s lives? Is your obedience to His Word the same kind of submission you long to see from your own kids? These are crucial questions each parent must face if we really want to be successful parents and good role models for our children. Parents who are lax in these areas virtually guarantee that their sons and daughters will fail spiritually."

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Climbing to the Heights

“O Shepherd. You said you would make my feet like hinds' feet and set me upon High Places".

"Well", he answered "the only way to develop hinds' feet is to go by the paths which the hinds use.”
― Hannah Hurnard, Hinds' Feet on High Places

Climbing to the heights of closeness to God does not happen by staying in the valley. It involves struggle, effort and going off the beaten path in order to see His glory.

2 Samuel 22:33-35 - God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect. 34 He maketh my feet like hinds' feet: and setteth me upon my high places. 35 He teacheth my hands to war; so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.

In the Midst of Trials...

Good things to do when in the midst of turmoil! Give, Call, Sing, Glory, Seek, Remember...

Psalm 105:1-5 ~ O GIVE thanks unto the Lord; CALL upon his name: make known his deeds among the people. 2 SING unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous works. 3 GLORY ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the Lord. 4 SEEK the Lord, and his strength: seek his face evermore. 5 REMEMBER his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth;

Melting?

Doing a little reading on the phrase "my God" and came across this verse. Joshua was reminding the people about the 10 spies who caused the children of Israel to not go into the land to possess it. BUT he followed the Lord. Even though Joshua had to endure the 40 years in the wilderness as everyone else did, God kept him alive so that he would one day go in and possess the land. Don't be discouraged when those around you "melt" the heart, cause fear or confusion. FOLLOW THE LORD instead.

Joshua 14:8 Nevertheless my brethren that went up with me made the heart of the people melt: but I wholly followed the Lord my God.

The Other Realm

Most of us study Scripture with the physical realm in mind. However, God is more interested in the spiritual realm. For example, we read passages on parenting or marriage then focus our attention on the do's and don'ts involved and whether we agree with it for "these days". We neglect the greater picture... that these lessons are there to teach us from the physical realm what our relationship with God should be in the spiritual realm. Pondering much today...

Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Digging Deep

People who say they are Christians, but by no means speak or conduct themselves in any Christ-like manner have discouraged many in the last few months. Not isolated situations, but widespread... across the world. 

I've been asked, "WHY? How can they ___ if they profess to be a child of God?" It is simple. The answer lies here:

Proverbs 21:2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts.

Don't be discouraged. Pray! God knows the hearts. You keep doing right... you keep following His Word... dig deep.

Standing Up

 The true follower of Christ will not ask, "If I embrace this truth, what will it cost me?" Rather he will say, "This is truth. God help me to walk in it, let come what may!" ~ A. W. Tozer

Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened. ~ Billy Graham

Will you stand in the gap? Are you willing to stand for the truth of God's Word? Are you willing to stand against opposition... whether friend or family? Will you stand on God's Word, the Sword He has given to us to fight against false teaching and practices in the church?

Ezekiel 22:28 And her prophets have daubed them with untempered morter, seeing vanity, and divining lies unto them, saying, Thus saith the Lord God, when the Lord hath not spoken.

Ezekiel 22:30 And I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none.

No man was found in this passage of Ezekiel and the Lord destroyed the land... it doesn't have to be that way today.

Put On, Put Off

It is impossible for opposite character traits to reign in our lives simultaneously. For example, you cannot be discontent and content at the same time. The Bible calls this being "double minded". Check out the "Put On, Put Off" list created by Life Action Ministries. It provides a list of areas we all may struggle with and the counter trait we should strive to replace it with.

James 4:7-8 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

 

Life Action Ministries: PUT ON, PUT OFF handout (.pdf)

Blessings in Following

He will bless those who follow Him. Praise His name for that!! Rejoice with them that rejoice! He will chastise those who go against His Word. Judgment may not come quickly, but it will come.

Proverbs 12:2 A good man obtaineth favour of the Lord: but a man of wicked devices will he condemn.

One Wrong Turn

Christmas of 2010 we purchased our first GPS – for Nathan. We did so because Nathan was at college in an unfamiliar city and we wanted to make sure that he could safely get around. But we also went by the local AAA office to pick up a free city map. The reason: we found that the GPS did not always give accurate directions. We wanted him to see the big picture and not just where he was on the screen of the GPS. How many times have we heard news stories about people getting lost in the wilderness or driving into a lake because they were following the GPS voice?

Having the right directions makes all the difference in the world when you are going some place. It is equally important to use a little brain power.

I mean, really, didn’t you wonder why you were being directed onto dirt road after dirt road? Did you really NOT see a large body of water? When you pulled into a parking lot and the voice in the box said, “300 feet until you arrive at your destination” as you drove into the front doors of the store, did it ever occur to you to look around and say to yourself, “Something just isn’t right about this.”? Just sayin’.

Sadly, I was reminded again this week the importance of making right decisions, of following God’s plan and not my own, or someone else’s. I was reminded that it is important to trust in the big picture of God’s plan and not just what I think I can see around me.

Many times we believe when we hear that someone falls in sin that they did so at that moment; that that is the decision making moment. However, that is not the case. There is always a time sometime in the past when the individual decided they are going to do it their way and not God’s way.

I cannot tell you the number of times people have told us that they wanted to serve God, but they put conditions on their service. While that sounds wonderful, spiritual even, that they wanted to serve the Lord, the problem was that they knew that God was opening doors for them to move to another ministry or place of service. They wanted to serve God their way, not God’s way. That was the wrong turn, the defining moment. From that point forward any decision made that did not lead back to what God was calling them to do, led them further and further away from God. Once you decide to not follow God, once you place conditions, however spiritual and well-meaning they sound, wrong decisions slowly become a way of life in every aspect of life. Numbness to the things and leading of God sets in. Things you would never consider doing… well, they are easily rationalized away.

We see this in Genesis with Cain and Abel. Adam had taught Cain and Abel the proper way to worship God – through a blood sacrifice. One day Cain brought the first fruits of his labor (fruits and vegetables) to sacrifice unto the Lord. Abel did likewise of the animals of his flock.

To be honest, Cain sounds like he was doing the right thing. He was offering a sacrifice. What is wrong with that? He was worshipping God. What is wrong with that? In Cain’s attempt to serve God, to worship Him, to follow Him, he failed to do so according to God’s plan. All the “right” things that Cain did became wood, hay and stubble in God’s eyes.

Abel followed God’s plan, Cain did not. Cain wanted to worship the Lord his way, not in the way that God said was right. The Bible says that Cain became “wroth” (angry, steamed, furious, livid, ticked, etc.) and that his “countenance fell”. In other words, you could clearly see he was angry and upset.

And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. Genesis 4:8

In the above verse we see that time elapsed. Cain had not realized that he needed to go back and make things right with the Lord; he continued to blame Abel for his own shortcomings. I’m sure that Cain would have never dreamed he would murder his own brother, but that is exactly what happened.

Are you following God’s road map for your life? Is the Lord leading you into an area of service that you simply are resisting to follow? Have you followed the voices of others who say, “It’s okay. You can serve God right here. You don’t need to go anywhere else to serve Him.”? Maybe you have told God how you would serve Him instead of listening to Him guide you where He wants you to be.

Where ever you may be in your walk with the Lord, take a look around. Over the years we have seen many fall by the wayside because they simply refused to move when God told them to. My reminder this week was from a man who had pastored for 30 years in the same church; it had been his only pastorate. Six years ago he revealed to us that the Lord was opening a door for him to move to another church away from his hometown. His very words were, “I just can’t do it; I can’t move. God is just going to have to use me here. I can’t leave this area. I don’t want to lose my family.” It was a slow process with many wrong turns to the final result, but now, he’s lost all that he had -- a sad ending to a man of God that could have been prevented with just one right turn.

Sin will take you farther, than you want to go,
Slowly, but wholly, taking control,
Sin will leave you longer, than you want to stay,
Sin will cost you far more, than you want to pay.

- The Cathedrals, “Sin Will Take You Farther”

Love Can Build A Bridge......

Not too long ago Dan and I were watching a World War II classic, “The Bridge on the River Kwai.” I have seen the movie a couple of times but there was something in the movie that I had not paid attention to before.  As the British colonel Nicholson and his men inspect what the Japanese had completed, one of the men states that the bridge is going to have to be moved down river where there is bedrock.  The Japanese had built the pillars of the bridge on sandy ground; the bridge would fall with the first heavy load.  That got me thinking.

For the last several years, we have dealt with individuals who have left fundamentalism citing that it is “too harsh”, “too hateful”, “too….”.  To be honest, I really can’t argue with them.  I, too, have been victim of the “do as I say, not as I do” crowd; those Christians who are more focused on the do’s and don’ts, than they are on the people they are dealing with. These Christians are more focused on how they look on the outside rather than the on the relationship they have with Christ on the inside.  I have seen on more than one occasion a woman treated with disdain because she came to church in a pant suit, a teen ostracized because they were dressed in goth attire, or a man ignored because he was disheveled and smelled. These that have left their “roots” have gravitated to the complete opposite.  After all, if what they grew up with was “wrong”, then the complete opposite must be “right.” Now they propagate the philosophy of “love.”  When you try to talk to them about standards, Bible versions or doctrine you hear in return something to the effect, “We don’t worry about those things now; those are non-issues for us. We interpret those things differently than you. We just need to love people to Jesus.” In other words, “Love can build a bridge… to Jesus.”

While that sounds nice and sweet…. and loving, these believers are just as wrong in their “enlightenment” as their brothers and sisters in Christ who major on the minors. In order to be in either of the groups the individual is ignoring the WHOLE counsel of God in the Bible.  There is BALANCE in all Scripture.  There must be discipline and doctrine in the Christian walk just as much as there needs to be love.

But the whole “come as you are,” mega-church movement, which first championed the “love” philosophy that so many fundamentalists are now adopting, is a failure. Why? Just like that bridge in the movie, it was built and created on a weak foundation. Several years ago, following the release of the results of a multi-year study on the effectiveness of their programs and philosophy of ministry at Willow Creek, the founder of this movement, Bill Hybels, stated, “We made a mistake. What we should have done when people crossed the line of faith and become Christians, we should have started telling people and teaching people that they have to take responsibility to become ‘self feeders.’ We should have gotten people, taught people, how to read their bible between services, how to do the spiritual practices much more aggressively on their own.” 

So, what is proposed to correct this? Greg Hawkins, co-author of the book, Reveal: Where Are You?, gave this summary, “Our dream is that we fundamentally change the way we do church. That we take out a clean sheet of paper and we rethink all of our old assumptions. Replace it with new insights. Insights that are informed by research and rooted in Scripture. Our dream is really to discover what God is doing and how he’s asking us to transform this planet.”

While it is admirable that they want to change, and I believe there are just as many fundamental churches that need to change, the “rethink,” “informed by research” and “rooted in Scripture” aspects of the statement bothers me. The plan for the “dream to really discover what God is doing and how he’s asking us to transform this planet” is already written.  It is already planned. We don’t need to “rethink” or “research” anything.  We need to LEARN it.

I have been reading through the New Testament and came to 2 Peter 1 when something struck me that I believe goes along with the above. (Bold and underlined added for emphasis.)

2 Peter 1:4-10: ⁴Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

⁵And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; ⁶And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; ⁷And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.


⁸For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  ⁹But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.  ¹⁰Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:

Isn’t it interesting the order in which these things are placed?  I believe that the Lord had a reason for ordering them in this way. To our faith we are to add virtue; to do that which is right while avoiding that which is wrong. To virtue we are to add knowledge. Knowledge is the condition of knowing something with familiarity gained through experience or association (2) : acquaintance with or understanding of a science, art, or technique. (MerriamWebster.com) In this case, it would be to increase our knowledge of God’s Word. To knowledge we are to add temperance. This is simply moderation or restraint.  Isn’t it interesting that first we must have faith, and then we are to begin to do right things as opposed to wrong things led by our new understanding through the Holy Spirit even before we have knowledge of God’s Word? This could be as simple as being kind or turning away from a vice. We are also to study God’s Word so that more can be revealed to us because this will also bring moderation and restraint in how we live our lives.


But there is even more.  To temperance we are to add patience. We are to handle trials calmly, without complaint; we are to manifest forbearance, or tolerance, when under stress or strain. To patience we are to add godliness. According to Webster-dictionary.net, this is defined as careful observance of, or conformity to, the laws of God; the state or quality of being godly. Then, we are to add brotherly kindness. The Greek word for “brotherly kindness” is transliterated “philadelphia”. It describes that we are to have love toward our fellow Christians. Finally, we are to add to brotherly kindness charity. Charity is defined as a benevolence or goodwill toward humanity, a generosity toward those who are poor or in need.


Hmmm. To faith we are to add doing right and not doing wrong.  We are to increase our knowledge of the Bible. We are to live our lives with moderation and restraint.  We are to calmly handle our trials and show tolerance for others. THEN, we are to show love toward our fellow Christian and love to those who are in need.


It seems to me that there are many of us who have our “religion” all wrong.  Some have stopped on the front end of the list and only focus on the do’s and don’ts – virtue. Others have skipped to the end of the list and only focus on love – charity.  Both are wrong.


Where are knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness and brotherly kindness? Since when is it okay to pick and choose what it is that we will or will not do according to God’s Word? We cannot continue to cling to our pet passages.


It is time to get back to the Bible so that we can hold fast to the truth of the whole counsel of God’s Word. Make sure your foundation.